10/08/01 Update: In the wake of the terrorist attacks on U.S. soil September 11, 2001, the year-old "Klingerman Virus" email hoax has been resurrected (yet again) on the Net, evidently because the specifics of the story resemble a germ warfare scenario. See "Return of the 'Deadly Blue Package'" for examples of the latest variants and commentary.
Dateline: 05/08/00
Updated: 10/08/01
If you thought the "Love Letter" virus (or worm, to be "technically correct") that did billions of dollars of damage to computers worldwide in recent days (May 2000) was diabolical, wait till you get a load of the Klingerman Virus.
According to an email alert circulating since April 2000, this newly-discovered bug isn't the kind that will kill your computer—it's the kind that will kill you.
Following is the text of the alert. (Note: a newer variant for 2001 is prefaced with the line: "This is from Schwab corporate headquarters—so it's no joke!")
I feel it is vital to inform all of my friends about this.
This is an alert about a virus in the original sense of the word...one
that
affects your body, not your hard drive.
There have been 23 confirmed cases of people attacked by the Klingerman
Virus, a virus that arrives in your real mail box, not your e-mail in box.
Someone has been mailing large blue envelopes, seemingly at random, to
people
inside the US. On the front of the envelope in bold black letters is
printed, "A gift for you from the Klingerman Foundation." When the
envelopes
are opened, there is a small sponge sealed in plastic. This sponge
carries
what has come to be known as the Klingerman Virus, as public health
officials
state this is a strain of virus they have not previously encountered.
When asked for comment, Florida police Sergeant Stetson said, "We are
working
with the CDC and the USPS, but have so far been unable to track down the
origins of these letters. The return addresses have all been different,
and
we are certain a remailing service is being used, making our jobs that
much
more difficult."
Those who have come in contact with the Klingerman Virus have been
hospitalized with severe dysentery. So far seven of the twentythree
victims
have died. There is no legitimate Klingerman Foundation mailing
unsolicited
gifts.
If you receive an oversized blue envelope in the mail marked,"A gift from
the
Klingerman foundation", DO NOT open it. Place the envelope in a strong
plastic bag or container, and call the police immediately. The "gift"
inside
is one you definitely do not want.
PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU CARE ABOUT.
This message was composed as a prank, a gag—a parody of all the phony computer virus alerts in circulation, most of which are worded similarly, including sentences like, "If you receive a message entitled such-and-such, DO NOT open it! It will destroy your computer!!!" [See example]
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The question we should be asking ourselves about the Klingerman Virus warning is why, with seven victims dead (supposedly) and the police and Centers for Disease Control investigating, we haven't heard a word about this scourge in the press. By contrast, the "Love Letter" computer virus, which killed no one, made international headlines in less than 24 hours.
As with the "deadly bananas" hoax last January (2000), the intent of this prank is to frighten as many people as possible, while amusing or annoying the rest. It appears to be doing a very good job on all scores, partly because most Internet users are unaware of how much medical misinformation circulates by forwarded email.
I called the CDC in Atlanta to get an official statement on Klingerman. The woman I spoke with was terse.
"Is this the one about the virus in the envelope?"
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